Nora's Blog

Don’t you think it is very interesting that large groups are calling for small Government, yet many of these same groups are trying to get a ban on same sex marriage! Strange is is not…..

I’ve been thinking – that slow kind of nagging thought that sits at the back of your brain, not totally sure of its source or specificity, and then BAM! – it hits you.

There is not necessarily a common denominator to this kind of nagging, but then it hits me like a ton of bricks! Then I imagine that there must be at least 100 other people out there who are having that same kind of nagging, so do me a favor – imagine with me for a moment.

You’re going through your life: you may or may not have a job with insurance benefits; you may or may not be financially independent; you may or may not be homeless, but what I’m sure of is that your life feels unsettled, that there is unrest in the air!

Most people who have average intelligence look for a reason within their surroundings that would help explain the source of their angst.  It probably does not take a whole lot of thought. It would appear that there is unrest in many peoples’ lives for a variety of reasons. Not to mention our country or, for that matter, the world.

The next step is to find someone or something to be accountable other than ourselves, because try as we might we are unable to take care of this unrest all by ourselves.

It is not only easy but convenient to lay the responsibility for this unrest on someone else’s door step. That door step, when considering the problems that plague our country, generally is the steps of our country’s capital. Because history has shown that ultimately our country does rise to the occasion.

Well, we all know how far that has gotten us so far. (NOT)

What has happened is that this attempt either to make the government more accountable, or to make it less accountable, has only made us more fractious as a government and as a people. It has inhibited our ability to communicate in a way that allows functional, productive, responsible adult conversation.

Now, I must say there are groups, the Democrats, the Republicans, the Tea Party, and now the Occupy Wall Street-ers who on the surface have their own united message (but again, NOT). Each one of those groups (and personally I do applaud a couple of these groups’ general goals) have factions inside their own organization, so “What now?” I ask.

IMAGINE…….That beautiful song written by John Lennon, that for most people when they hear it, either brings a tear to the eye or goose bumps, which means intuitively we know that those words in part are something to strive toward and to live by.

So let’s IMAGINE what it would be like: “There’s no COUNTRIES, nothing to kill or die for, no religion too” … A friend posted a You Tube Video of a young man named Emanuel, who sang that song like angel. And, as he told his story before singing, you knew he (and his brother) had experienced first hand what non productive, non responsible and lack of adult conversation and actions do for ourselves, our country, and the world.

Yes I did experience that BAM!……I challenge myself daily, and you too, to IMAGINE! Then live a life that only allows compassion, peace, understanding, and the willingness to do whatever it takes to treat each individual person the way we ourselves would like to be treated, no matter our station in life. So when we hear outrageous statements that are only meant to inflame, to walk away and come back when a responsible discussion can be had. Then imagine being kind always…

Enjoy the attachment, and thanks for reading my Blog!

So I’m sitting on the beach watching the swimmers and the walkers go by. Noting the admiration I feel for the people who have the strength and the determination to be able to swim in the ocean @7:00am and for the folks who walk along the beach, admiring the beautiful as well as the folks with physical challenges.

While observing life, as I’m apt to do often, I also notice the people who appear to be a bit eccentric. I commented to my husband on a particular couple who walked by, a gentleman with a very long white beard, shorts, t-shirt, hat & bag in hand to collect treasures found along with way. His partner (whether wife, friend or family member, I was not to know), who was wearing shorts, t-shirt, carrying her sandals, who had obviously been in the ocean, tailing a bit behind.  Looking as though she had been for a swim, her entire body was wet including her hair, which was odd because of what she was wearing.

That speculation went on to discuss the experience I call or consider eccentric.  What causes a person to wake up one morning and decide “I’m not going to shave,” then one day realize he had not shaved in over 5 years?! So my husband agreed that maybe that does qualify as being a bit eccentric, and said (I agreed) it would be fun to write a book about the people we encounter who have eccentricities, and what their lives might be like!

What is REALLY funny though is this……So I’m still people watching and I notice a young man who is an employee of a restaurant down the beach a bit, using a rake taking away all of the residual seaweed and flotsam that had been washed onto the beach during the night. While watching him I thought it looked so zen like.  Me being me, I decided to ask him if I could borrow his rake. He was very nice, and reserved his your weird look, and said sure. So there I was 45 minutes later with rake in hand and a beach front that looked more manicured than Pebble Beach! (Maybe a slight exaggeration) I have to tell you I worked up such a ripe arm pit that anyone who was smart would not get within 10 feet of me. I found I had to just laugh out loud at myself.  I mean really, here I was wondering who is it that wakes up one morning and decides they’re not going to shave anymore? Then there is me, who decides I am going to borrow a rake & then rake an entire section of a beach?!

There you have it. Yes, it is true I’m eccentric (or OCD?) Whichever it is, I guess I better get those issues in check, huh?

I had a wonderful time at the beach relaxing and full of discovery!

I thought you might enjoy seeing the fruits of my labor, check out the pics.

I remember, you might also, knowing that there had to be a God out there, (there have been several of those times really)but to the point of age, this is how it relates!

When I was young, my Sister and Brother both had to wear glasses, I did not, and I wished I did.  Like every thing my Sister and Brother did (by the way they are OLDER than me) I just HAD to, because of course to wear glasses a person looked really cool.

In your quest to convince your Mom that you really must have glasses even if you do not need glasses, you (with the help of your big sister) decided you can always wear sunglasses. Or in my case sometimes, you would even dare to buy glasses with plane glass in them, and of course never told a sole! Because to look good is what it is all about at that age. By the way this eye glass stuff really has a purpose in terms of the title of this blog.

Then you start (hopefully) maturing a bit and you find that beauty is really much more deep then the mere act of wearing or in my case not wearing glasses. In fact you find that maybe there are many things that you once found attractive no longer hold the same appeal.

As life is going on, one day you realize, oops I can not hold the book any farther away from me and still read, or in simple terms I can not seem to be able to read as easily as I once could.  So you contemplate that and you think, ooh is this a sign of age, and you say oh not it must NOT be.  I mean look at how active I am, and ooh look at your skin it still looks good, and look at your style, it is still in keeping with other people around whose style you admire.  Then you decide that oh what the heck I will check out the glasses thing after all, and maybe I will finally be able to get glasses and look cool legitimately!

I think it was possibly my 45th year (about, you know at this age the years all roll together) that I got my first pair of glasses.  I can tell you WITHOUT a doubt they were CUTE! They even looked cute on me.  While at the Optometrist when picking up the glasses I confirmed that yes these were the best glasses one could purchase, and EVEN better I could actually see better, IMAGINE THAT!

While getting ready for bed that night, wearing my newly purchased glasses, doing what all women do. I was standing at the mirror making sure my skin is cleansed, you know standing up close and personal with the mirror, at first admiring how good those new glasses looked on me.  Then you say, oh wait what is that I see on my face, OH NO could it be, OH MY GOD it is, a face with these fine lines around my eyes.  Now when I say fine, you know I do not mean fine as in fine but fine as in a line!

It was at that moment that God, has he has at many different times in my life, in many different matters, quietly said to me, Nora I have been nice to you, you ignored my gestures, if you had only not insisted on getting those damn glasses, you could have avoided seeing ALL OF THOSE FINE LINES for years to come!!!!

The good news is that I have eventually come to terms with the fact that yes, if you are fortunate, you get to age, and if you are really fortunate you get to appreciate the changes in your body as you age!

Today is the celebration of my 62nd year of life, I’m at my daughters beach house which is on the sand in Laguna, the sun is shining, I have had birthday wishes from my husband, all of my children and friends, and while getting ready this morning. As I approached the mirror I once again acknowledged that the fine lines that has once been there had miracously gone directly to the dreaded WRINKLES with no apparent in between stage. So  I did what all women do, after cleansing my face I lathered it with moisturizer and scheduled an appointment for a facial, and decided life is good!

Happy Birthday to me!!! And love to all of those people in my life who make it so incredibly wonderful each and every day!

When I was a young girl and contemplated being a Mother (which, when I was young, was what all girls contemplated, or at least they were supposed to contemplate) the one thing I knew for sure was that, no matter if you were a “good Mom” or a “bad Mom”, your children always loved you. After all there was the umbilical connection that could never be taken away, a kind of fail safe if you will. So as I was maturing and taking note of my Mom’s behavior I made those mental notes of “I will NEVER” do that to my daughters. That I would “always” be just the way my daughters wanted and needed a Mom to be.

Ah but that was not to be…..Does this ring true to you? When your daughters are young, tiny babies, you just get to love them unconditionally and they love you in return.  You get to feed them, bathe them, you get to dress up a real live baby after all.  You get the joys of all their firsts, and you are pretty confident that it is your guidence and nurturing that has helped them get to this stage.  Periodically you check in with yourself to take an inventory of your parenting skills and try to make adjustments as you go.  Sometimes you compare your skills to that of your Mom. From your persepective you are doing a GREAT job, but did you check in with your children?  No, because life was moving too fast. All of a sudden you wake up and find your little girls are already at the pre-teen or teenage stage. Oops, all bets are off.

Did you find yourself clinging to what you were sure was just the right amount of discipline with the right amount of trust  and understanding?  I was sure I had the right mix. Meanwhile you find yourself in a adult relationship with your own Mom and you find that it has taken a whole new dimension.  You find that your life is crazy busy, and then wondering, oh yeah, how is my Mom doing? Oh well I will check in with her later…..

There is no real outline for what you do as a Mom when real life challenges present themselves. What do you do when you Divorce? What do you do when you have 2 of your children diagnosed with life threatening illness? What do you do when you are losing both of your parents at the same time? You do what we all do.  A whole lot of praying, and even more of just putting one foot in front of the other, and somewhere in the back of your mind you hope beyond hope that you’re doing this in a way that will still provide some safety and stability and sense of strong loving security to your family.

Miraculously the children survive; there are bumps along the way but they make it through. We  say goodbye to our Mothers remembering the good with the bad but mostly the good. All the while making that same commitment, that all Mothers make, that my Mother made, that we will be better than the one before.

Then you wake up one day and realize that your relationship with your daughter is not what you had imagined. I don’t think I ever really thought of what an adult relationship with any of my daughters would be like, but if I had I’m sure it would be different from the one I have.

While I was thinking about this relationship  with my daughter, it caused me to contemplate and consider how I was with my Mother at this age…..I decided that maybe payback is a bitch…..So what do we do about this condition? We pay homage.

Once your Mom dies, there are no do-overs. So I owe this baring of my soul to the memory of my Mother, to try and make amends in some kind of spiritual/cosmic way.

I remember my Dad had died of cancer in October 1989. My Mom was living with my sister, she had been going through chemotherapy treatment, and seemed to be doing well. Then one day after Christmas my Mom said she was not feeling well and wanted to be taken to the hospital.  I remember sitting with my Mom on the edge of her bed trying to rush her to get her to the hospital. My Mom just looked at me and said, give me a moment. I was not to know, because I was so damn busy not paying attention to the look in her eyes as she soaked in all the memories that were on the walls of her room.  The room she had shared with my Father, her husband. It was the look that said, “I will not be back, this is my goodbye.”  So if that insenitivity was not enough, after she was in the hospital I called to see how she was. She asked me to come and see her; she said she would love to see me. I said, the kids were not feeling well and I did not want to risk exposing her to anything that would cause any risk.  She tried telling me that it did not make any difference, that she was dying and she wanted her daughter to be with her. Of course she did not use those exact words, because that would have been too scary for her to say, but that is exactly what she was saying, and I did not get it!!! She did die shortly after that. Fortunately, I did get to see her before she died. But I have to say in retrospect, I never had the time with her that I would have loved to have had, and I’m sorry beyond words.  Not just for myself but for my Mother.  She tried in her own way to be the best Mom she knew how.  I think she did an excellent job of it, particularly knowing that her own Mother left her when she was only 9 years old and was raised by her Father and Uncle.

So I raise my glass to the memory of my Mother, and I raise my glass to all 3 of my daughters who accept me for all my shortcomings and who are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing and that is being a better Mom than I am, but I’m still trying

Sunday night the United States celebrated the assassination of Osama Bin Laden, and there seems to be a thought rolling around, as indicated by some posts on Facebook, that maybe we are not being as spiritual as Dr. Martin Luther King would have us be:”I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” –Martin Luther King, Jr I think the celebration that occurred was not really about the “Assassination” of Bin Laden, because I think we would be celebrating as much if he had been captured, but rather that maybe, just maybe, we do not have to be as concerned about another 911 attack.

His death, as we all know, does not remove all concern from any future attacks, but it does provide a partial accountability for the 911 attacks.

For all of the families who have lost someone in the 911 attacks,  for the men and women who have died in this awful war & for all of the people who felt the horror of watching the bodies fall on 911, I think we owe them their moment of closure that this must have brought them.

Yes, it is GOOD to remember the words of Dr. Martin Luther King and try to live DAILY with those words and act in that same way. We should remember it when we communicate and interact with friends, family members and people we see on the street.  When we do that we will truly honor those words and the values instilled by our society.

Do any of those words go together? No, this is not a question for Sesame Street viewers, but one for ourselves. I have noticed on my blogs that there is a underlying theme, and that theme seems to be about the exploration of the human condition. It stems from what I call a slow broil of thoughts about a common trend that I’m sensing in my world around me and not quite able to identify what the issue is, and then it hits me.  So what is it, you say?  I will tell you by sharing some experiences and see if you can put it together before the end of the post.

As many of you know I’m a Realtor, but I also have the pleasure of working with the public in another capacity, in which I have the opportunity to speak with literally 100′s of people a day and this is what I hear regularly: “I expect that you (I’m paraphrasing for the sake of anonymity) will do this thing for me and oh, I do not want to pay for it because I live in a unique area,” which generally means that this person has a home in an affluent area. This type person usually gets angry when you discuss that there is a price associated with this service and then tells you how intelligent they are and how they have ALWAYS received this service at no charge in the past and please explain to them why they cannot still receive it at no charge, because of course they are SPECIAL. Because these people are in fact intelligent they find themselves acknowledging that yes they see the facts of the matter, but then they have the boldness to say that this condition is the fault of the Government. They do not see that they have any responsibility in this issue at all. Amazing.

Maybe you have noticed during your travels around town, especially in the more urban areas, that people have started going through solid waste containers looking for material that can be redeemed for cash. I have driven by these folks and noticed them without thinking anything other than the fact that they probably need cash. But in talking with people in the position that I have now, I hear frequently from people how HORRIBLE this is! What can be done about this horrible condition. (Of course these people live in the same affluent areas that I mentioned above.) My response is often that the economy needs to improve, people need to be able to find jobs, and in some cases this act may be associated with cultural traditions. When that response does not satisfy them I mention something equally unappealing, that they be proactive by requesting that these folks not go through their containers, or do not put anything in their containers that has a redeemable value. Then, as if grasping for straws, they say of course the police could be dispatched immediately. No, the police are not going to try to mitigate this issue, at which time I hear “Well I do not care what is done, I just expect that the Government will take care of it because I do NOT want to see this on MY street!”

Mind you, not all of the people that I talk with are this callous and uncaring, but what is consistent is that when I hear this kind of conversation it is almost ALWAYS people from affluent areas. When I hear compassion, which in my position there is not an opportunity for that to expressed frequently, but on occasion I do get to hear it, it is always from areas of moderate to poor communities.

What is this condition? Maybe the affluent people are so busy making money and finding ways to invest that they do not take the time to observe life around them.  Actually, I’m not being fair.  I think what I experience day to day is a microcosm of what is happening all over these United States.

People are generally self absorbed.  They feel as though their financial life and well-being have been compromised and their well-being threatened, (and it has). Their response is to assess the situation and find the root cause. Meanwhile, there is the media which informs us what is really the cause.  That we have all been manipulated (and many of us were), we have all been duped! (Many of us were.) That it is all the fault of GOVERNMENT! Which part of it may be.  But how many times have we looked at our own contribution to this financial crisis? Maybe we all have, but what we have not done is taken a step back and looked at what the Government is trying to do and tried to find the merit in it.  You know, I had a Doctor tell me one time, (I was worried about losing weight after the birth of one of  my children) “You know, Nora, it took you 9 months to give birth, it is going to take at least that long to lose the weight, go easy on yourself!” The Bernie Madoffs, the deregulation, all of that took a long time to cause it’s destruction; it is going to take much longer to re-build. But instead of us thinking Yeah it is going to take awhile, the media shares with us daily the opinions of people who purport to be intelligent and all-knowing who have the answers. Frequently what I hear are dramatized inflated suggestions that stir a frenzy in the everyday mindset.  We are already worried, then we hear or see someone express our same fears and a soultion that on face value sounds like it could be the answer and then IT BECOMES the answer.  Maybe it is not the answer.  I do not know, but what I do fear is this.

As a community we are generally losing our sense of compassion and sense of civility. If we do not try to reign in our own sense of fear, of our backing off and looking for the common ground, and trust that it will get better then we are going to find ourselves in a woeful place.I believe we are teeter-tottering on the brink of something really ugly. We can look at an event that we are in the process of celebrating: the 150th year of the anniversry of the start of the Civil War. Do we REALLY want to have another? The horrible acts that humans inflicted on one another then, do we really want to do that again? Have we not evolved in that 150 years? I would like to think that we have, and I would like to ask anyone who has taken the time to read this very long winded blog to ask yourself, what can I do today to be a bit more civil? What can I do today to be a bit more compassionate? What can I do today to be a bit less self absorbed? When you ask those questions and you find the answers, act on it. Then we can look at our life and the world around us and thank ourselves and each other for being Civil, Compassionate and Aware!

Now, some of you who read this may find it an interesting post coming from someone like me! However, if you will be kind enough to read on you will find that yep, that’s our Nora!!

So every year since crew, I make a commitment to do something athletic. I do not necessarily accomplish the actual event but I do train for it.  This year the start out goal is the bike ride for Party Pardee. Then possibly the ride in Tahoe. So I get out my new bike and my husband and I start riding. We have the BEAUTIFUL Amercian River Bike Trail 2 blocks from our house and so it is very convenient. Not only is it a beautiful place to ride but there is enough terrain change and distance that you can make it a challenging or easy ride, no matter what your schedule requires, and the whole while your surroundings are beautiful!!! So Robert and I decide we want to do a different route, so he looks on the Map and sees a bike path along the canal that runs from the Fish Hatchery all the way down to Jackson Hwy, approximately 10 miles, which was perfect because we wanted to see about riding 20 miles that day. So we unload our bikes and we get on the trail and the first thing we both note…This is an ugly trail!!!! Nothing but concrete and some grass along the way and the back of buildings.  I noted that while I was thinking that my surroundings were ugly I was also not loving my bike ride, which I usually do!! So then I thought I would play the “Glad Game”; you know, if you are old enough, the “Pollyanna” thing.  So I was saying to myself, well at least you have the water to look at, and then oh, there is a bird.  It got me through the ride but that experience told me and reaffirmed with me something about myself!!! I’m a very visual person and when I’m doing something that requires physical effort I need eye candy. I had only experienced that phenomenon while erging.  When I was rowing competitively we would have to train occasionally on the wonderful ergometer.  I tell you simply I hated that contraption.  There was no amount of Pollyanna’s glad game that could make a difference and I thought it was just that one thing!!! Because when I was out on the water rowing, I tell you it was like Nirvana, I was one with it all. So now I know that I like visually pleasant surroundings to work out in. But wait, there is more.

Saturday we went for our 20 mile bike ride. This time we stayed on the bike trail that runs alongside the river and despite a flat tire that could not seem to get repaired completely (my husband’s bike) it was a beautiful ride!!

So yesterday my BFFHS’s (that is, my “best friend from high school” and when you have been best friends from high school as long as we have it is worth putting in print), fiance planned a urban hike.  He organizes hikes and snowshoe events for about 120 people. Yesterday the hike was in the hills of Berkeley.  It went through the Berkeley campus and up to the “Panoramic” Hills so that you could see the entire bay area. Now Rich, Linda’s (my BFFHS) fiance, and Linda are in much better shape than my husband and I so I’m always a bit leery about keeping up with them on any kind of athletic endeavor, but according to Rich and the material he handed out, “if there are hikers that do not want to continue on with the steep portion, there is a spot where you can veer off and go back to the campus and wait for the group to come back”. So I’m thinking in advance, yup that’s what I’m going to do.  Not because I did not want to go up the steep hill; no, it’s because I do NOT want to be the last person up. So we are walking and we hit a couple of places where there are stairways that would appear to go straight up, but no worries because you can see the top and I can tell I will not be the last person up because I’m pretty much in the middle of the pack.  Good so far, then we get to the spot where Rich says here is the turn around spot.  Either you go back to the campus now or your committed to the rest of the hike. So I figure oh why not, I’m still not the last person.  Then…..we get to a stair case that I SWEAR IS THE STAIR CASE TO HEAVEN, and no, I’m not ready for heaven yet.  So I stand at the base and my BFFHS says to me, Nora, just don’t think about it, just do it!! Imagine that?! Well obviously, I had not thought about “just not thinking about it.” So I did, I’m so incredibly glad that I did.  The views were breathtaking and I was not the last one up the hill!!! However, here is the real deal! It would not have mattered if I was the last one up! Every step of the way there was something beautiful to see & the people we got to visit with were interesting.  I had my backpack on from crew and someone noticed it; as it turned out, he used to row back in New York so that was a fun visit!!!

So the moral of the story is…..Respect the Mind for it is powerful but after that just set it aside and GO FOR IT!!!!

Here are a couple of pictures so you can see!

There was a summer that took a woman of middle years from this physically challenged, non-athletic person to a world of wonderment. This is not to mention the change in emotional awareness and depth of soul. Let me tell you this story…

I was 41, the year was 1991, the place was Los Gatos. I had a client who introduced me to the sport of rowing. It is quite funny how one’s visual is not at all reality. I was envisioning a little row boat out on Lexington Reservoir with a lunch, my husband and a romantic afternoon. Little did I know that this sport would not be about romance but would change everything about me. When I arrived at my first lesson there was this really long boat that accomodates 8 people, each with their own oar, said oars are about, well I don’t really know, just know they are taller than I am which is about 5’4″. There were men and women attending this first class and the men were sweating bullets and the women looked like they had just arrived at the mother ship. Totally comfortable and ready to see what was next. So began a summer of testing our physical limits and building an emotional bond that has up to this point never been experienced before. During this time, I had the pleasure and honor to meet 3 women who would change my life forever. We all were similar yet very different in our life experiences, and I guess that was part of what bonded us so closely. We would hike several times weekly as a supplement to our training for crew and while hiking we would share secrets that NO OTHER PERSON KNEW. As I recall, they were not really secrets, they were challenges. Normal life challenges and you would swear that for each challenge that was up for discussion the challenge was answered with all the wisdom of The Buddha….or Jesus Christ! Yes that was a summer, there were trips taken together that were as silly as someone peeing on a road that we were SURE was deserted, but lo and behold a truck driver came along, to the Rivers of Montana and learning how to paddle in a canoe, to the wonders of Australia. They were times that we certainly appreciated but could not know how completely, totally, unadulterated, unrepeateable these times were. Even though our chronological age would suggest that we would be more aware, even though we had suggestions and comments almost as wise as the Buddha or Jesus Christ himself, we could not have known that one day we would be wondering how to say goodbye to one of our own. Not goodbye as in I’m moving away, but goodbye as in I’m dying and I will not be here anymore.

You know, I used to do some volunteer work for an agency that provided care for folks who were dealing with death and dying. But it was a different kind of experience. I was entering an enviornment where the dying had invited you in, and where there was no personal history, so it is quite easy to just be present for those folks. To let them direct the conversation and their needs. However, when it is someone you have/had a personal relationship with, someone you hold very dear, yet it is someone who you have not talked with regularly since the summers of the magic, then what do you do? I know that you certainly offer up your hands and you tell your God and your Buddha and anyone else you can think of who has input that you want your friend’s death to be peaceful and beautiful, that you want her family to be enveloped in the warmth and love of their God’s Grace, but what do YOU DO? Do you call and say “Hey I know I have not talked with you in 6 months, but hey, I hear you’re dying?” Or do you just know, knowing that person, that they know how much you loved them, how much you cherished that relationship, those summers that were so completely perfect. I don’t know that I will ever really know the answer, but this is what I do know. That from this moment forward, I will make more effort to connect with those people who have meaning to me in my life, and I will let them know how much I care and offer myself to them as a friend. God knows we need much more of that!!